Boobs if you are reading this I suggest that you stop! NOW before you get hurt!
This morning was horrible. Boobs came in to have a hug but I rejected him. I rejected him because last night he started questioning why the government won't help me. I have already told him it was because he makes too much money and we are living together in a defacto relationship. Justb an aside here- we have only been living together for 6 months and the governments view is that he is financially responsible for me even though I put in a medical certificate to say I wasn't mentally stable enough to work. It doesn't make sense because if I had filled out the form with a slight alteration I would have been paid but because I was honest enough to tell them the truth I get punished for it. N3ext time I apply they are going to get a big fat lie. No one wants to help someone who is ths mentally unstable, now there is financial pressure on Boobs and then puts me in a horrible situation thus making my condition worse with more anxiety and more feelings of worthlessness. The government don't know what the fuck they are doing. I hate them. I hate how all the people who got caught in the fires in Victoria get all the help they need from the govern,ment as well as every fucking one else raising squillions of dollars, but when it's someone like me who asks for a measley 200 a week I get knocked back because I am living with my boyfriend. Oh the poor people in the fires who KNEW that area is prone to fucking bushfires. It's not fucking fair! Not even 250 die by mother nature and everyone gets all teary and generous. I wish I had been in that fire at least I would have some sympathy and a new fucking house.
Boo fucking hoo I lost my cat and a few photos give me a million bucks thanks even though I knew all along I was living in bush fire prone areas and didn't build a bunker-boo fucking hoo-poor old me now where's that cash? And where's that Ricky Ponting chap, I want him to sign my shirt so that one day I can sell it for a million dollars and make money from my misery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway I completely digressed but it makes me mad that the people that need it don't get it and theres a fucking bushfire(which is a completely natural happening) and thet fucking Rudd hugs people and pretends to cry but secretly praising the lord for giving him this fire because now he can look like the big fucking hero that he isn't and pledge all this insane amount of money that they don't need because the red cross are doing that aswell as every dumb-ass musician and actor and dumb fucking celebrity all over the world. It makes me sick that you have to wait in the emergency department for four hours in a hopital with doctors and nurses who have been working their but off on a double shift, police on 22 dollars an hour, paramedics getting assaulted and blood spat at them, but "Oh No! There's a bush fire and some people have been killed, people who STAYED BEHIND to protect their property!" a collective voice shouts " we must help because SOOOOOO many INNOCENT people died OH MY GOD!!!!!!"
This morning Boobs left early and I lost it. I smashed his bottle of balm, I ripped up a dress he bought my that I didn't like anyway which wqas going to be swapped for something else, and I stabbed my laptop over and over again leaving it totally unusable. I ranted and raved and swore I was going to leave and live in my car.
Boobs has now forgiven me and I am back here in the house. I feel horrible. I also deleted all the photos of me he had from his computer and camera.
I bet I get diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I will be shocked if I don't.
